


No More Pretending

by Borderlinemediocre



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Cheating, Crying, Happy Ending, M/M, Phone Sex, Quarantine, Rimming, Soulmates, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:01:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Borderlinemediocre/pseuds/Borderlinemediocre
Summary: Zee silently curses their age difference. Curses the fact that they didn’t meet until a few years ago, didn’t fall in love until recently. The fact that they both thought they had met their people, but they didn’t. Charlie is his person, and he knows it.
Relationships: Zdeno Chara/Charlie McAvoy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	No More Pretending

“Goodnight.”

Zee smiles as his wife heads to bed. He’s been staying up later and later lately, if only to have some solitude. He appreciates her but he usually has so much to do in a day, he misses the time alone with his thoughts.

He’s watching some old movies and zoning out when his phone buzzes; it’s a text from Charlie.

“Call me?”

Zee’s heart races as he heads to the balcony to make sure he’s not heard. He’s grateful for the fresh air, even if it’s a bit cold.

“Hi baby.”

“Fuck, I miss you.” Charlie’s words are hushed, a rush going through him as soon as he hears his captain’s voice.

“I miss you too, more than you know.” Chara’s words make Charlie’s stomach hurt. They haven’t seen each other in person in exactly twelve weeks, not that he’s counting.

“I don’t know how long I can keep going like this, Zee. I need you so bad.” Charlie decided to stay with his parents in New York for the quarantine; he figured being stuck inside with his girlfriend wouldn’t do their relationship any favors. But now the knowledge that he’s so far away from Zee makes this all worse.

Charlie’s pout is clear even over the phone, and Zee silently curses their age difference. Curses the fact that they didn’t meet until a few years ago, didn’t fall in love until recently. The fact that they both thought they had met their people, but they didn’t. Charlie is his person, and he knows it. All that aside, professional sports wouldn’t be kind to either of them if they came out. And he can’t do that to Charlie’s career, not when he has so much ahead of him.

“Zee?” Charlie’s soft voice pulls Chara out of his trance.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know, I’d give anything to see you right now. I’m so sorry.”

“Why is everything so shitty? I miss hockey, I miss seeing you everyday. I miss touching you.”

“You in your bedroom?”

“Yeah.”

“You hard, Charlie?”

Charlie’s second “yeah” comes out mostly breathless.

“Get a hand around yourself for me, baby. Remember the first time I touched you like that?”

“Fuck, of course I do.” Charlie’s working slowly at his length, leaned back against his headboard. “You touching yourself too?”

Zee laughs, turns a little red. “No, I’m out on the balcony.”

“Could you go in?”

Zee sighs. He looks inside and feels the ever-present guilt growing in the pit of his stomach. Every time he’s been intimate with Charlie, every time they exchange ‘I love you’s, he feels worse. He supposes there are better ways to go about this but at this point he doesn’t know how to make things better. And he can’t imagine his life without Charlie.

“You there?” Charlie’s voice brings Zee back to reality once again.

“Sorry, yeah. I don’t know honey.”

“I wanna hear you. Please? Wanna talk to you ‘till you come for me.”

“Goddamn, Charlie. Okay, hold on.”

Zee quietly heads back inside, goes into the guest bathroom. He pushes negative thoughts out of his head for the moment- if he’s going to do this he’ll at least do it right.

“Got my dick out for you, missing that mouth.”

Zee feels his phone buzz; another text from Charlie. He opens it up to see a close up of the younger man’s leaking dick, his hand firmly around the base.

“Jesus, Charlie. Making me so wet.”

“Yeah? You saw how wet I am, I could slide into you so easy right now. Think I’d get on top, push your legs up. Fill you up.”

“Want that so bad, baby.” Both men have increased their paces, trying to stay quiet.

“Come for me, Zee. Send a picture of how messy I get you.”

Chara doesn’t last much longer after that, stifled moans and ragged breathing only interrupted by Charlie’s name on his lips.

He does as he was told and takes a picture of come covering his abs and chest, maybe flexing just a little.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” Charlie’s whispering as he comes, wishing more than anything that they didn’t have to do this over the phone. He comes hard regardless, milking every last drop and pretending Zee’s there to taste it.

“Just wanna hold you right now, baby boy. Pet your hair, kiss your cheeks. Remember our last trip to Philly?”

Charlie laughs so he doesn’t cry. He remembers everything; how Zee fucked him so gently, with endless praise and kisses. How they cuddled afterward for hours, talking and idealizing their future together.

“Yeah. That was the last time I saw you.” Charlie’s beyond depressed at this point, like being away from his captain drains all the motivation out of him.

Zee looks around the bathroom, takes a deep breath. “We’ll be together again soon, sweetheart.” He knows he has no idea when that will be, but he has to hold onto some hope.

Charlie’s softly crying at this point, although he doesn’t let Zee hear it. He knows what they’re doing is terrible, and hates how all of this has just made it worse.

“You ok Charlie?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna go to bed little one, I’m always here if you need anything, okay? I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

—————

It’s not fair, Charlie thinks, but what’s been fair in his life the last few months? How fair is it to find the love of his life in a man almost twice his age who’s married? And what’s fair about suddenly being ripped away from him during such a stressful time?

He thinks maybe he’s being selfish, that there are people who have it much worse, but nothing could be worse than what he feels in the pit of his stomach. It’s 6am and he hasn’t slept, and the godforsaken sun is already coming through the skylight above his bed.

He paces for a while, showers, paces some more. He’s filled with equal parts energy and dread. Like his body won’t let him rest until he solves this terrible, confusing, impossible puzzle.

He goes onto Zee’s Instagram page and scrolls through, reading his sweet captions and advice. He goes to his own camera roll to find all the pictures he can, trying to relive their moments together if only to temporarily pretend that things are normal.

“Hello?”

“Hi Charlie, you doing okay?”

“No.”

“You’ll be okay, sweet boy.”

“It’s not that simple, Zee. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I don’t care if you think I’m naive or stupid but you’re my person.” Charlie’s voice is shaking but he manages to keep from crying.

Zee’s silent on the other end for a while, shaking his head. He knows Charlie is his person, too. He always tries to be strong for Charlie but his strength is fading with every word out of his boy’s mouth. His heart aches, stomach aches. He just may be a little better at hiding it than Charlie.

“You’re not stupid. You’re my person, too.”

There’s a silence between them that hangs heavy, both completely unsure of everything but their desire to be together.

Zee’s snapped out of his thoughts by another call incoming- it’s Bruce. He tells Charlie he’ll call back.

Charlie puts his phone down and feels lost. He finds his hand moving down under his waistband, figuring if he thinks about Zee fucking him it’ll get his mind off the actual situation and all of the stress that comes with it.

He thinks about his captain’s hands and mouth opening him up, always so gentle and slow before he slides in. He remembers the first time he kissed Zee and how terrified he was, how the older man held him and let Charlie take his time. How nervous he was the first time he saw Zee’s dick, how long they spent - at Charlie’s insistence - opening him up so he could take it.

He’s close, hand lazily moving over his length. Zee calls him back so he answers panting, moaning a bit.

“Fuck, you touching yourself?”

“Yeah, yeah, thinking of that first time you fucked me. You’re so big Zee, miss that so much.”

Zee’s face is red, surprised to hear his boy touching himself so early in the morning. “Insatiable, Charlie.” His voice is low and it sends Charlie over the edge, head back in his pillows and groaning out his captain’s name.

“Guess what baby boy?”

“What?” Charlie’s wrecked, overtired and feeling a bit weak.

“We can practice again, starting tomorrow if we want. We’ll be staying in hotels in Boston to quarantine.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Charlie knows Zee wouldn’t lie, but he’s having a hard time believing this.

“All the time we want together, Charlie. Not gonna leave a part of you untouched.”

Zee’s words send Charlie’s head spinning. “Holy shit. I- I can’t fucking wait.” Charlie thinks for a second. “I can’t wait, actually. Meet me at a hotel tonight, I’ll drive to Boston. I need you.” Charlie’s tone is low and serious, and Zee has no choice, really.

—————

Charlie gets to the room first, waiting to text his captain until he can settle in a bit. He’s strangely nervous, almost to the point of shakiness. He’s been in contact with Zee this whole time, talking him through orgasms, texting him non-stop. But he hasn’t touched him in months; hasn’t been touched by him in months.

He takes a breath and looks around the room- it’s massive with a huge bed, shower big enough for the both of them. He’s more nervous now.

He hasn’t even shaved today, just threw his shit in a suitcase and sped all the way to Boston. He looks in the bathroom mirror and contemplates a shower, but he doesn’t want to delay this any longer.

“Here, ready for you.”

His heart races as he sends the text. He’s almost as nervous as the first time they kissed. He needs to chill.

He turns on the TV while he waits, lays back on the bed. He’s focusing all his energy on not touching himself. Not yet. His dick is standing in protest, straining against his shorts. It twitches every time his mind drifts to Zee, which is about every 5 seconds.

He’s in the middle of mentally reprimanding himself for being a needy idiot when a knock at the door almost makes him fall off the bed.

He smooths his t-shirt as he walks to the door, as if it won’t be discarded within a few minutes.

“Fuck.” Is all he says when he sees Zee, and they’re kissing before the door closes.

Zee grabs Charlie’s shoulders and pushes him back, looking closely at his face, his chubby cheeks, his now too-long hair.

“God I missed you. You’re beautiful Charlie.” The younger man blushes, laughs and it’s all breathless. “And that- your smile, missed that the most.”

“Zee, I-“ He’s cut off by his captain picking him up, both men falling on the bed together. “I love you.”

“I love you, Charlie.”

Their movements are frantic, the result of months of no contact. Months of whispered desires over the phone, of only their own hands. They pull each other’s shirts off, pants following quickly. They laugh when they realize neither of them are wearing underwear.

“God Zee, forgot how- how perfect this is.” He’s running his hands over the older man’s abs, chest and they’re kissing, desperate and warm.

Zee jerks their dicks together in the meantime, both so wet already it almost makes it difficult to hold on. He rolls them over so Charlie’s on top, taking in the view of his boy, how sweat is making his hair stick to his forehead, how his necklaces move with his movements.

Charlie leans down and puts his hands on Zee’s shoulders and soon they’re both coming, panting into each other’s mouths.

Zee’s eyes are dark, Charlie notices, and he wastes no time flipping the younger man over, not bothering to clean up even a little. He spreads Charlie apart and clenches his jaw at the sight, heart racing.

He leans down and dives in right away, moaning into it. Charlie’s ass is even more ridiculous than he remembers it. It’s so thick he’s pretty sure he could suffocate from eating him out. Definitely worse ways to go.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” Charlie lifts his hips off the bed, pushes back and Zee just takes it, tongue buried and spit dripping down his face. Charlie backs him up and eventually he’s sitting on his captain’s face, grinding down with no rhythm, just all-consuming need. He drags his balls across Chara’s face, back to his hole, and Zee keeps his mouth open and wet for it.

“Get on my dick, please, Charlie.” There’s desperation in Zee’s voice, and Charlie quickly obliges. He slides on with probably way too little prep but he savors the burn, feeing every inch of his captain tearing into him. His eyes well up more from emotion than pain, but there’s still a lot of pain. He’s missed this so much- Zee’s dick feels like it fills him entirely, perfectly.

Zee knows those tears well; it’s one of the things he loves about his boy. Sex makes him overflow with emotion, and he never holds back.

“Feel full, baby boy?”

Charlie nods, overwhelmed, so Zee takes the opportunity to put him on his back, fuck into him properly. He plants sloppy, open-mouthed kisses all over, Charlie only able to voice his approval with low moans.

“You’re mine Charlie. Think anyone else could fill you up like this? Make you come so much you can barely move? Eat all the come out of your ass to fill you up again?” Sometimes Zee’s possessiveness gets the best of him, voice sinfully low, hands planted on either side of his boy’s head.

“No, no, only you Zee, all yours. Yours.”

“I’m all yours too, baby. My dick’s just for your little hole and that delicious mouth.”

Charlie’s gone at this point, Zee’s words pushing him past the point of lucidness. He whines, grabs Zee’s arms. “So close, please fill me up, need it.” Charlie’s little pout is what pushes Zee over the edge for the second time in the last hour, spurring his boy to do the same.

Charlie grabs Zee’s hips, holding him inside. He doesn’t want the moment to end, locking eyes with his captain- ‘his’ being the word his mind focuses in on.

“ _Mine_.” Charlie’s voice is low and a little shaky, tightening his grip for emphasis. It comes out almost angry, and he feels a rush of something foreign; jealousy, possessiveness. His eyes are wet but he manages to keep his composure.

Zee swallows hard, feels every heartbeat pounding in his chest. He’s still deep inside Charlie, both covered in come and sweat and he realizes too, he _is_ Charlie’s. And Charlie is his. It’s not just something they say when they’re caught up in the moment, not something that can be shared with another person.

“I’m yours, Charlie.” Their eyes are wide, the gravity of their words sinking in. “Yours. _Yours_.” They kiss and it’s salty with tears and it’s desperate, but it’s also comforting, reassuring. Whatever shit storm comes from sorting their lives out, they can’t keep pretending, living these double lives.

Charlie feels the need for something more, glancing around Zee’s face, heart racing. He pulls one of his own necklaces off, a silver one he’s had forever. He wears it everyday, every game he’s ever played.

When he slips it over Zee’s head it makes the older man dizzy, overwhelmed with all the love from his boy, his gesture. They kiss again, all tongues and soft lips, and this time it feels like it’s the first of a lifetime worth.


End file.
